Monthly Archives: January 2012

Strung up on entrapped moments?




Observation tells me that most people’s field of possibilities and self allowance not merely contracts – it  collapses, in around them with age. Should it not rather be a process of continual expansion following the relative strictures imposed upon youth, and the relinquishment of the responsibilities of middle life? An outspanning into potentially more, not less, freedom? Instead,  people buy into the myth of linearity, believing themselves on an ever shortening slide into death.

But if we deliberately recapitulate past and future, freed from the tyrannical prognostications of memory, and if we remorselessly scrutinise and challenge routines and patterns, the opposite happens. Unfettered by the routineisation of entrapped moments, into the totality of the expansive now. Aligned with consciously chosen intent in its fluidic unfoldment, one’s centre is free to dance along the path of potential. Unfettered by the shackles of habit and expectation, the gift of the present unwraps itself. By unpreparing for outcomes, and disbanding conclusions from what has gone, and ruthlessly deselecting time pressure, bright fresh potential is birthed into being.

Caution and timidity paralyse the fresh seed germinating inside one’s fruit, whereas boldness and courage fuel the ongoing journey. I have lived on the edge, fearlessly throwing out the sense and safety which stole the lives of my parents. They put me in a cage in a dark place alone to face dreadful demons and certain death – for babies there are only two states of being : warm content and happy, or dying. That’s it. So daily I learned how to survive. Thank you so much parents; only someone who loved me very much could have facilitated such a desperate introduction to the school of hard knocks. As my body developed I learned how to grab onto the bars and haul myself onto my feet, and exert with delight a bit of control over my environment – by violently rocking to and fro. My cotship slid across the linoleum floor of the second layer of my prison, an upstairs bedroom where my screams would not disturb my parents. Eventually I was able to explore the margins of this prison by directing my momentum in different directions, picking up speed across the lino and slamming most satisfyingly into one wall or another. But my joy was to be short-lived: the noise of this activity, and the real or potential damage to the paintwork and wallpaper induced my father to remove the wheels from my cot.

I have never really got over this most despicable parental crime. All that was left to me was to rock in place, making comforting noises to myself like the demented animal I was. I still catch myself lapsing into this regressive but reassuring habit to this day.

Is it any wonder then, that in adolescnce I developed a burning compassion for any creature imprisoned in a cage?  I turned vegan and spoke for animal rights, to any and everyone I met. There cannot be a single patient of mine with whom I missed some opportunity to bring this awareness into the conversation. Lightly, gently sowing seeds. The lack of tangible fruit from those seeds was explained to me by Spirit as not conducive to my higher welfare, as it would merely feed the ego in me. And egos don’t help causes, they only think they do. Why is it that abused children may grow up and become abusers? A form of throwing out from themselves the trauma, and providing temporary respite from the locked down suffering which continuously re-enacts itself otherwise? For there is a part of Ruth still imprisoned in that cot in the darkness, in a totally real sense, because the psyche does not recognise time as linear, and my compensation is to be a voice for the voiceless innocents daily tortured and killed, in factory farms throughout the world : 58 billion land animals alone each year, and rising, as the human demand for meat and liquid flesh (dairy and eggs) increases with the accelerating human population. It seems ironic to me that I should appear to be a human being, the most deadly predator ever, when inside I feel to be a fabulous, fleet of foot, wild, four legged, herbivorous creature. Born to run free with the sun on my back and the wind in my hair. Yet here I sit saddled with a mind which incessantly goads me to reach out and speak the creatures plight. And the human’s plight also, for in truth they are the same.

We are a parody of our birthright condition. Life is lived backwards, and upside down. Duped into swallowing torment and lies by the vile learned habit of drinking the secretions of a grieving mother whose calf has been stolen and murdered. That’s where it starts, the disconnection from the cruelty of incarcerating, commodifying and killing whole races of beautiful, sentient beings, needlessly. How can anyone  gaze into the liquid, amber, trusting, harmless eyes of a bovine, and not feel its pain? How can anyone stare at the squealing tortured piglet with utter dispassion whilst cutting off its testicles , tail and teeth with no anaesthetic? This is standard practise in factory farms, should you be ignorant of the price of cheap bacon. The very same shut-down compassion is operating here as was at work in the nazi death camps. How chilling a realisation is that?

So please open your loving caring heart, and say “Not in my name! No more!”

Please go vegan, and encourage others to choose the kind option at their daily opportunities to demonstrate who they are : for every meal says something about what you stand for, what you tolerate, what your money supports. It ought to be clear by now that world peace will only descend to earth when the killing stops. Full stop. It is the only way.

So, use the power of fork over knife!

Begin now, to atone for the suffering you have been funding, and unwrap the joys of the gentle cuisines from around the world! It is exciting, it is liberating, it is life giving, and I am filled with optimistic joy at this turning point in humanity’s purpose. We are awakening to our individual and collective force for good. The era of slaughtering other species and ravaging the environment is passing away. A weighty miasmic cloud is lifting from our beautiful planet: departing, never to return. What an immense priviledge it is to be alive, here and now, and be a part of this evolution!

I use this piece of communication to challenge assumptions and conditioned habits. I fly the flag of liberty, equality and fraternity in its widest sense, as a guardian of all life on earth. When all  the  boundaries, cages and walls which have incarcerated the jailers every bit as much as the inmates  are demolished. When swords become ploughs, and cots become cradling arms. When fake margins are rubbed out, nobody need feel marginalised, separate, terrified, or alone, ever again.

The Peaceable Kingdom where lion lies down with lamb, and there is no more killing on any holy mountain, and all the land is sacred. Peace shall descend like a dove. Let peace reign in your heart, and let your heart lead your head, and your actions each be harmless and loving. Begin now, in the serenity of your inner sanctum. Be joined-up inside yourself, discard everything which does not promote peace, and refuse to relinquish love as your prime directive. Nothing else matters. Only love is real, and shall endure. The nightmares will vanish in this brave new dawn.

I am vegan, and our tribe is growing, our power arising, unstoppably. We are everywhere, warriors of kindness.  The time has come, and nothing can silence us now!

Wheeeee 🙂




Today whilst walking I felt to be asked a question, which was:
“If you were suddenly through and finished with the life purpose you have been pursuing, and found yourself in the perfect world you have been attempting to co-create by pushing your vegan values, what would you feel free to do?”:
Wow, feel as if, huh? Sort of like act as if only better? Beautiful, ok then I would instantly feel to lay my burden down – that which I have been carrying as necessary to force me to remember who I am and what I came to do. I would disburdren myself instantly.
“ Great”, came the response, “and what would that look like, that grab bag or napsack? Clearly it would be a capacious sack, ever expandable, a bit like Mary Poppins”
“Yes, it is!” I exclaimed , laughingly.
“ Fantastic! Now what would you feel to do?”
“ I would feel it was time to unpack the bag of stuff I had felt the need to carry for so very long, as I would never need to carry it around anywhere ever again.”
“ Fabulous. ok And what would be the very first thing to be lifted out of the bag? Don’t think about it just reach right in there.”
“ Easy, out comes a chalice, which rationality tells me is the holy Grail.”
“ Wow, brilliant, okay set it down, and reach in again, what is next?”
“ Next is a bed! I guess that’s telling me that I was taught to place highest priority upon where I would lay my head each night, so this was a biggie to tote about all my life.”
“Aha! Just so. Now reach in a third time and tell me what is there……..”
“ Oh here is water, and food: provisions for daily sustenance. Very practical!”
“ OK fabuloso. Last time now, reaching in there………..”
Out comes a notebook and pen………..”Aha, so communicating had always been right up there with basic survival as priority in my life then?”
“ Yep, seems so.”
“ Right, thank you for that!”
“ How does it feel to no longer have to cart all of that around with you? To know that all your needs are fully met Providentially, and to acknowledge that you have not been living as if you knew that, even though it is one of your foundational affirmations:”All my needs are met before I even ask”
“It feels unbelievably wonderful! Free and light and potent. I love being on this side of the divide!”
“ Excellent, enjoy and get used to it, for this is your new limitless way of being. Take it easy and be gentle and everything is unfolding perfectly. Perfection is something you will have to get accustomed to!”
“Amen to that, and halelluia! “

OK that was written / experienced yesterday, but today I have an old friend returned to goad me : none other than the gribble which used to inhabit my left shoulder, deep in the middle of the shoulder – the epicentre of my shoulder is where this pesky annoying little point of discomfort was found to be for many long years, but which has been gone for the past few years : since I laid my scalpel down in fact. SO why would this gribe return now, immediately after I am led to lay my heavy rucksack down? One might imagine that I had not in fact succeeded in permanently and completely removing said burden bag. Or else perchance that this olde gribble has returned to remind me that “Shoulders are meant to carry joy not burdens” (another frequently intoned affirmation of mine, usually trotted out when friends express a shoulder pain)
A more optimistic explanation might be that the sudden unexpected and delightful disburdenment has caused a very small very temporary recoil of shoulder musculature which shall vanish just as rapidly.

Someone on a recon site said that even though we be through into 5D things appear almost identical because 5D contains 3D………and the way to tell the difference is the expansiveness, plus the intense focus required to string a sentence together……….oh thats alright then, cos this morning I was in the middle of telling someone at yoga about the fully open dandelion flower I had seen, but no word came out when I reached for the name given to describe that yellow flower………..rather embarrassingly I said the flower that is yellow but not a sunflower nor that shiny wild one…………… it just me or are people looking at me strangely these days? I have to try to do a quick check to see if I’m committing some social faux pas such as forgetting to wear a visibly vital item of clothing, or have I not brushed my hair, or am I perhaps still in dreamland……….it becomes less and less easy to distinguish. So too with the thoughts I “hear” and occasionally respond audibly to which the other person has not actually vocalised yet – oops! Strange days indeed, though not unpleasant if I remember not to be so blinking serious. Live in joy, indeedy xxxxxxxxxxxx





Neuralgic symptoms moving round my body over the past couple of days, achey and annoying but not bad……….then speaking to Iona who was spared by the cyclone hitting Pondicherry explains this as a resonant expression of her chill.  Have been feeling even less in the world here at Jeff’s than I do in Littlehampton, possibly because this bungalow is isolated from sounds of other people and even though there are neighbours they are invisible. Anyway as it is not just New Years Eve but a very special one, birth canal into 2012 no less, I am choosing to sit with a hottle wattle bottle over my kiddleyes and expressing myself here and now. I have reached a plateau of emotional non reactiveness which is serene – it appeared to be instigated by the intense empathic shock and sorrow of the pre-Christmas choir troubles, which I felt most keenly. Perhaps as I allowed this to well up and vibrate through me it has sparked a clearing……….

for every time in childhood when I empathically felt something but had it not merely denied but aggressively quashed by my parents own denial of their feelings and pain. And in those days I had no recourse but to stuff it down, causing all manner of horrible happenings. Now I have an infinity of  options about where I place my awareness and how I process or sidestep feelings. It seems that a depth of freedom has opened up thanks to this, and consequently last night when brother Mark contacted me I was neither surprised nor excited – there was a neutrality about it, a form of calm blithe nonreactivity which is not borne of lack of care but is a sign that I have passed beyond a space of woundability.


In a similar way I can be honest about not missing Mum, and feeling happy that her disruptive presence is gone, and about being glad that the mother outlaw trail is terminated at last. Who were those matriarchs who caused me so much grief? It is sad they were passed on before I felt free from their influence, yet with other lesser ubermatriarchal figures, I have achieved neutrality and freedom from their manipulative influence whilst they remain alive. Does this mean that I have changed, or they  have? Does it matter? If people had proved problematic in my life and therefore I had avoided entrapment by staying away from them, this new liberation from having receptor sites for their hooks is a welcome sign indeed. It bodes well for the future and for my ongoing skills at community building, outreach, or whatever evolving lifepath approaches.


I have been saddened by the films on Jeff’s t.v. over this Christmas visit, every one of which whether for adults or children features battles and killing or various kinds. So unevolvedly polarised! Sigh. Yet there is no spot upon me for despondence, no foothold for apathy. I am sensing that my current symptoms serve to  hold away unwise leaps into anything, in order to facilitate my safe passage through the 2012 portal.  That is why I have been in a holding pattern for these past 4 years : having arrived ahead of the pack as usual I am growing in wisdom and strength, tranquillity and longevity in order to be fully prepared for the next phase of life. All is indeed well, all that is real is love in various guises, and nothing unreal can touch me 🙂 And so it is. The patterns of perfection in the unbroken flow of manifest unfoldment. My recently scribbled novel has expunged my self history and dissipated any residual pockets of dark drama, allowing me to be more fully present to the deep mystery of the moment. I call upon all apparencies to come into this precious point of nowness for the conjoined purpose of renewing our sacred Guardianship role upon this gentle planet. I call for radical respect and eco-equality towards all life hereupon dwelling.

I ask all of us this question :

If the world was free, what would I be?

If I was free what would I be?

Isn’t it essentially the same question?

As we are all indissolvably linked, an awakenment for one equally is awakenment for all…… Particularly now that time has almost caught up with itself

In centuries past there was considerable delay between conception and fulfillment, between ideation and action. As can today be witnessed by anyone with an autist in the family, there is soon to be no lag at all. This is why we are being gifted with this betwixtment in order to prepare us for the reality that what we think upon will indeed manifest, and so the vital importance of attaining, maintaining, and retaining conscious control over our thought processes becomes paramount. We cannot any longer afford the luxury of negative cogitations! This is one reason why I am choosing to move away from posting dire depictions upon my facebook page. I sense that the efforting spent thereupon over the past couple of years by myself and fellow animal rights activists is sufficient – the information is all there, freely available to those willing and ready to open themselves to it.

“The deed is done, the time is nigh, you are you and I am I”

And this I craves not fame fortune nor favour.

This I is as bright as can be 🙂

This I lives in beauty peace and joy!

The days of opposing ugliness, war, and misery are passing away………..

I go beyond to co-create a visionary land of purity and equality where the trees communicate and the rocks sing. The exquisite beauty of every non separate form of life’s expression is vibrantly thrumming its perfect portion of the symphony. In order to join me, all malevolence must yield to Benevolence, because sensitivity and surrender to Love totally eclipse the old paradigm of control and domination. True dominion connotes union with all beings, not manipulation of any seeming other – whether friend / family or apparently different species of Earthling – each has its Divinely created purpose, its place and its power.

Together, through mutual respect and allowance, in balance and harmony, the peaceable kingdom is manifesting.

We are returned to Paradise.

Zero defence, because attack would be futile self harming, which is simply inconceivable here. During the remaining transition space left to us, I am to be found, on demand, in the healing chamber on the hillside for any and all who call me forth. For such is the completion of that stage of my personal purpose. I honour your eyes and ears for seeing and hearing these words.

Fear not, all is well.

And why should you heed these words? Because they are not sourced in me………. I will now share the message I received on Christmas Day from Blessed Mother Mary / the Universal Feminine Archetype Outpicturing if you prefer. She who is Mother Of ALL. It is my considered opinion that these messages which come to me are not merely mine, but to be shared freely for the benefit solace and upliftment of whomever else shall receive them.

This special day I was blessed to see Her Beatific Resplendence holding in her all embracing arms her newborn Son, born to save the world from darkness by His Deific Effulgence : Jeshua the Living Embodiment of Love


“ Beloved Daughter of Grace and Compassion,

Be ever hopefilled, calm, bright and joyful, because LOVE IS HERE! Love is real! Love is forever, and banishes fear and harm entirely. Hold onto love then with both hands, and heart. Keep fixedly uplifted every waking thought, and entrust to me every sleeping thought, for I am your Holy Blessed Mother here present in constant attendance for all my children across the earth and beyond. All is unfolding in exquisite perfection. There is never any reason for fright or flight dearest Child of Grace. Exactly what you feel to do is correct because you have linked with my Son the Immutable Champion of all subjected souls of every form. You are correct that Jesus never ate meat nor allowed anyone to slaughter in His Name nor in the temple. It is difficult to express the wrongness of Christianity’s focus in so many ways, and Jesus is as disappointed as you are by the failure of empathy and compassion of His apparently avowed followers. Many will awaken this coming year and indeed much transformation will occur. Watch and marvel with me in this long awaited flourishment of humane nature. Your dream and vision of the Peaceable Kingdom does approach, and you shall be a part of its creation without any doubt. So be assured Precious Daughter, be happy and at ease. None of your care has ever been wasted. None of your compassion has ever been in vain. You see me standing upon the world with all the little innocent ones within my cloak, and this is my Space – always lovingly attentive. Be trusting of my words then and yield not to despair, ever. There are infinitely more reasons to be optimistic than to be downcast. In each moment of ongoing life there is a triumph of hope, and celebration of life, and exultation of love! Speak to me any time for I never sleep 🙂