I am happy today 🙂
how do I know?
Because I am not unhappy…..not in pain, not sad about the state of the world, as I so frequently am.
What, then is different about today?
Today is a special day, with a special feeling of anticipation that something wonderful is happening, right now………..almost as if the floor of my life is being peeled away, and what formerly appeared to be old worn lino is lifted away to uncover the living breathing responsive vibrant mossy ground of my true being – ahhh!
Oooh so revelation of true ground of beingness, no less 😉
Surely is, and this is just the beginning – the base layer ground level………..
for the longest time have I been beavering away at the subterranean level of my being : excavating / mining / tunnelling / digging………you get it, finding my real roots and hidden depths kind of intense focussed hard work.
Ah, and how do you know that phase is completed then?
Because the lino is peeling away 🙂
oh yes you said that, brilliant. So what happens next?
Anything I wish, anything I desire, anything I place the focus of my awareness upon.
Oooh, cooool……….as long as you’re not thinking of negative stuff though, right?
Oh I am so very far beyond mental traps like that….slid into and crawled out of too many pits and sloughs to fall for them ever again.
How come you’re so sure of that, I mean even to the point of sounding a tad arrogant?
I am in the directors chair now, the drivers seat, the painters brush is in my hand, or whatever simile you like to use. I realise that it has been habits of reaction formed by years of conditioning which placed a lethally dark shadow upon my viewpoint. Now having come to terms with, found forgiveness for, all of that which brought me to this present point of nowness, unscattered and awake, unfazed and aware, there is no thing to worry about. All and everything is indeed unfolding exactly as it should in Divine Right Order. There is no fail, no wrong choice and no mistake, no accident and no hidden demon. Everything is out in the open, declared, clear, perspicacious and obvious.
You feel to be the power in your own life then?
No I am not, God is the Power, I am merely His instrument. For the last decade and more I have been attempting to discern His Will for me, and to escape my petty little will. Now I understand that these are one and the same, when I am authentically joined up. The small desires were only ever the product of misdirected energy, and reaching for some unknown comfort and security in a profoundly disorientated and twisted environment.
being whole, complete, and entirely here and now, whilst simultaneously holding awareness of my multi-dimensional aspects raying out in every direction and plane of existence, whilst meeting in my very centre and balance point,. The epicentric replaced the egocentric. But I had to come to a point of zero conflict with the egoic consciousness : neither repelling nor being pushed by it, do you see? I once imagined the ego to be my enemy and consequently sought to demolish it, but it only grew larger. Then I attempted to live in peace with it but it only caused disruption. Finally I came to a place of resolving the tension, by letting go of my side of the rope, so to speak. As with children and water, if you refrain from imposing boundaries upon them they find their own level and settle.
So similarly did it come to pass with my learned patterns of reactivity. When one is at zero gravity there is no efforting to get there or remain there – zero gravity being the sweet spot of perfect poise in acrobatics, the zone of effortless stillness in motion of martial arts, the nirvanah of meditation, the awareness of the Presence of God right here within the high sacred heart around which all revolves in perfect harmony. It is the end of struggle and the beginning of the dance, the settled space where all is clarity not chaos………as if being perceived from outer space in its totality and nonattachment. This point is usually only attained at death in humans because of the myriad accrued miasmic maya. But when one is prepared by acceptance of self, circumstance, and at peace with everything, thanks to the special Graces of this epochal time of completion and resolution, where all things/beings recognise themselves as One whole : spiritual ascension occurs. So one passes beyond duality and polarisation. The end of the time-bound circumstantial state. And finds ones Self still embodied : all that has passed away were the illusions of separation, need and lack. What died were the attachments and issues which so preoccupied the former life. Serene omnipresence results from this passage through the narrow gateless aperture………I recall during shamanic training reaching a psychic inner threshold and being asked “Are you worthy to pass through this door?”
“Yes, I am worthy” came my response, even as a doubting part of me willed to shrink back from this bright observation point where nothing can remain hidden. That small part of me was amazed that I could dare to pronounce myself worthy, when she had grown up feeling unworthy, not good enough etc. She succeeded in distracting me sufficiently that I became once again circumscribed and in self imposed limitation. Who did I think I was, came a familiar maternal voice nagging and slapping with her slipper round my legs – get back in that cage and shut up!

On another occasion of near death experience, I found myself among a host of angelic beings of every shade and hue imaginable, each uniquely different and none superior in any way to any seeming other. It was obvious then that my own true colours were equally beautiful and complimentary, and in no way clashed with any other colours. There was some understanding that those who had endured particular experiences whilst incarnated, such as having murdered another, having sacrificed themselves for others, and so on, wore a particularly distinctive garment of light, so to speak. All were honoured the same, no distinction or preference, no hierarchy or judgement belonged at this place removed from such splittist sentiments. It might be as if those who were without legs wore blue and those without eyes wore green, for example, and there was no preferentiality, merely acknowledgement of the cross each had borne. The plain fact was that every apparently separate, but in truth conjoin ed, one of us there, had been required to attain a point of acceptance – beyond pity, denial, or struggle with who and what we had been / done in order to reach this place. There was no sorrow here whatsoever, there was only joyfilled levity and mutual honouring of the Divinity of Us as formerly fractured aspects now restored to Oneness.

I am just reminded of an early experience of non-disdain / non-disgust at my fellow man where I transcended the learned practice of scornful finger-pointing disdainfulness. It was whilst observing a family who had left a revolting mess of used nappies and other filth deliberately behind for others to clear up. I was at a camp site in Wales with my brother, long before I became a mother, and he was vociferously condemning these “lowlifes”. Somehow I found myself in a place of zero disgust, and complete nonjudgment. Thinking about that here and now, I imagine it could be the way animals are not snootily disgusted by whatever they witness other creatures doing, or about where they happen to be…….. there was a non-local awareness or dis-awareness. Or maybe it could better be described as a state of elevated compassion and non-irritation? I am not conveying it very well am I……….. suffice it to say it was a much calmer place to be experiencing from than where my normal stance would have been. How much of our normal reactions are obviously conditioned and learned and copied from others! This accounts for a great deal of prejudice, and the whole nasty human trait of making of themselves a special group or status for the specific goal of excluding others. Classism, speciesism, ageism, elitism………. all designed to differentiate us from one another when what we really need to be doing is transcending every apparent difference and focussing on that which unites us.

Another time I was moved to sit down beside a tramp and sing to him, from a space beyond pity or fear or even of interest ; purely as an act of giving, upliftment, sharing, solidarity, inspiration……… but beyond all such conceptualisations also. It was not until my self-consciousness returned as my singing came to a point of closure that I noticed the eyes of others upon me, for I had been singing with closed eyes, just my voice offered up to alleviate perhaps some pain, and to vocalise my overwhelming desire to express my gratitude to God for being alive and sentient. I happened to find myself, alone in Barcelona with 3 hours to get through and not being remotely interested in looking at anything……….it was however not until I had stood up, turned and bowed to my companion with respectful aknowledgement of His Godhood hidden yet revealed, and was walking away congratulating myself for having done a selfless act of being an earthangel for a. n. Other, that I heard a titter of Angelic laughter about my ears and the hilarity as they said:
“She thinks that she was the angel for him – hee hee how funny is that!”
When all along it was of course the opposite. I had been the one out of my depth in the city, uncomfortable and self-conscious, needing a place to rest from the babble and strife of the rushing teeming traffic of humanity. That was a humblingly humorous moment for me, for the angels were not laughing at me nor poking scornful fingers, but hugging me in a delightful embrace as one does a child in compassionate heart-opened delight at their innocent strivings. Indeed that being who had taken the form of a tramp and caused me to feel moved to sit next to him and sing, was probably angelic. He might even have been Christ in disguise, as some have alluded to
And yet it was not opposite either, for at that time and for that space there was no tramp, no ruth, no throng…..there was a praising and worshipful offering, in the dimension of sound, and doubtless others too, straight to God from the one place of reverential gratitude and awe.
I like being in that place – it is expansive, warm, and safe.
It is the palm of God.
I am in that place now, and that is why today is a happy day 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s