Category Archives: Life

Equanimity

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more valuable than arousal, satisfaction or bliss
the poise of equanimity
the grace of balance
non-conceptualisation
non-positionality
offering hospitality to arising experience
free from craving or aversion
devoid of attachment or judgment
in allowance of the flow
of ephemeral isness
the gift of presence
the blessing of sentience
a fresh cleansed palate
welcomes the incoming
colour of becoming

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necrovore nonsense

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Only addicts and idiots say “You don’t know what you’re missing”
Can you believe I’ve had many a necrovore tell me:
“There’s nothing like a juicy steak to sink your teeth into”
They’re not wrong about that though : what could possible compare for cruelty and heartlessness? First you take millions of years of evolution and warp it to grow a leaner bigger steak in half the time. You steal freedom, sunder family, and crush it with confinement. Add a peppering of bodily mutilation (testosterone makes flesh bitter). Raise the calves away from their mothers, in demeaning domination to desecrate their spirit. Then a terror trip to the slaughterhouse.
No, there’s nothing quite like that
Apart from:

betrayal of trust
war
rape
enslavement
commodification
denigration of sanctity
destruction of sanctuary

Ubiquitously normalised brutality

How do you turn a placid pastoral race into killers? Teach them how to domesecrate other beings, make cattle their manna, and they’ll start fighting over grazing land.

9.2

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White wall installation WOW!
Heady hearty bubbly yet focussed.
Safe – not remotely manic
9.2 redefines excitement:
empowered, unscattered,
on task and purposively poised
Not for daily consumption,
like vegan lemon cheesecake
whose meltingly sensual satisfaction
is in the specialness of it.
too frequent and its magic’s gone
a bit like sex – more isn’t better
rather the rare perfection
that comes upon two
in non dual unity of bliss.
Even more like sex is the fear
that the next cheesecake won’t
hit the g for gorgeous spot.
Again like sex I am relieved
I’ll never ride a horse again
I’m glad I did
and Im glad I no longer desire to.
That’s replete completion
perfect closure
like finishing a novel,
a wonderful holiday
a piece of artwork
leaving on a higher plane
when you exit
craving-free and calm
perfection

8.9

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People don’t have a right to be miserable
nor a duty to be healthy
free will means choice :
wellness or impoverishment –
awareness is being conscious
of what our choices cost

On a scale from 0 to 10
where 10 is death by ecstasy
and zero is suicide from misery
my new normal is 8.9
Above 9 is unsustainable, manic,
overbearance, burnout
below 6 swerves into anxiety,
panic, struggle
7 = anger, risk taking.

Below 5 we’re into negativity
toxic treacle, depression
4 is bargaining, grasping, vain hope
3 is usury, theft, possession
2 is grim hanging on
by a thread
to a shred
1 is between zero and two

at 9.8 you realise the only way out is down
so death seems preferable
to yet another spin
on the waterboard wheel
9.8 is dangerous
usually drug assisted
induced by stealth
mutually assured orgasm
in a love bubble
you’ve forgotten will burst

9.9 is impossible below the 5th dimension

8.9 is beyond balance
8.9 is above logic
8.9 is through expectation
after hope
8.9 is surety
8.9 is self actualised
8.9 is intolerable to be near
for those at 5 or less
8.9 is attractive to 7
magnetic to 8
from 8.9 to 9 takes depolarisation
a state of non reactivity
untouchableness
full presence
being whole
suffused by Spirit
8.9 is a comfortable space

note to a soulmate

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Dearheart, you once asserted that I would never have spoken to you had we not been “introduced” on social media. I told you no, that’s not true, our souls found each other and they would do so in any place or time or circumstances. Even if one or both of us was currently dwelling in the skin of a different species. I recognised you from first contact, and before that it was our soul’s contract to reconnect which inspired each of us to display ourselves on that raw vegan connection group. Only once before have I done such a thing, by placing an ad in a progressive London magazine when I was 25 years old, and a depressed recluse. From that I encountered significant others, one of whom I am still in contact with.
My thoughts just flashed back to that night we spent together under the stars on the sand beside some friendly rocks : in Joshua Tree National Park was it? Eva slept on one side of me and you on the other. I cannot recall a time I felt more happy, safe and in the perfect place. Apart from the night I spent gazing into Iona’s eyes on the day she was born. That same cosmic glow, that same assurance of divine protection, that same bathing in expanded awareness.
By stark contrast, in a really bad time of my life when I felt alone in a sea of indifferent, mocking and malevolent people was a soul shrivelment, a shutdown of higher faculties, as my body went into survival mode. Frankly I am amazed to have survived so long in such a toxic environment as this suffering world humans have so desecrated, desacralised and damaged. And arguably my core purpose is reaching fulfilment as the appreciation of the interconnectivity of all life starts to dawn on the minds of the masses. The beginning of respect and humility, the stepping up to humanity’s first ever job : of Guardianship on this floating bejewelled ship – Gaia. I ask myself why I would want to stay on for the messy rebuilding phase, the deconstructive rewilding of a global war zone.
Then I reflect upon your words, shared so long ago in California : that your core mission is precisely that, and hence your time is just arriving. Your star is in the ascendant precious One, as you always knew it would be. So here I am to remind you of these things, to tell you how much I love and appreciate knowing that you are incarnate upon this incredible planet alongside me. I did not need to reach across and physically touch you at Joshua Tree and I don’t need to now. We are not merely touching as spiritual beings we are intertwined in the most free, beautiful, pure, indissolubly connected way.
And so it is, so it shall remain: beyond transitions, through dimensions, to infinity and beyond. Amen.

p.s. I never could bring myself to make marriage vows to anyone, even when it promised great material security, physical pleasure, and exciting opportunities. Such lures were not even tempting, for I am a very sage fish who has been swimming these oceans of experience for the longest time 😉 You on the other hand were Deep calling to deep, reverberation and echoic vibration reaching me at the speed of Love which is, of course, instantaneously momentous.

Dispossessed dream

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I had a dream where I was in some city in America. I had no money and it was pre mobile phone era. I wandered around until I was exhausted and night was falling. The dream felt like it was in real time, so I gradually felt the hunger, thirst, fear and despair gathering like menacing raptors inside me. You know how the logico-rational mind loses itself under severe stress? Well I could tell this was happening as my prospects of rescue dwindled. I spoke up and asked someone if there was a shelter or help centre anywhere nearby and was directed to a place, but they said sorry we can’t help you as you’re not a native and you have no ID.
My self esteem, never that strong, was evaporating as the fierce cold of night wormed its was through my inadequate clothes. I stood in a bustling street and started to sing, hoping people would appreciate my voice and give me some money so I could get food. It was difficult to project my voice in such a noisy place, the air was nasty and my throat dry. I persisted, not knowing what else to do. Singing is something I have always done, from the earliest age; my Mum told me that I was la-la-la-ing tunes before I learned to make words, at 6 months of age. I noticed a young man approaching who was smiling and my hopes rose a notch. Then I realised that I hadn’t put down a hat for coins, to indicate I was singing for donations. As the man came close I stretched out my hand in the universal sign that says “I’m a fellow human in need, please help me”. Even as I continued singing I was salivating in imagination of enjoying a meal. But the man brushed past my extended arm, threw a look of contempt, and flounced away. Then I realised that almost all people treat those less fortunate than themselves in this way. It was as if he had thrown a bucket of ice water over my head.